To Think I Loved Him
by Tiny.Fishy
Summary: Sakura is sick with a deadly disease and only has weeks to live. Sasuke decides to come back finally! weeks before her death. What will he do? What will he say? My first story read and review please.


_"Sakura-chan, are you alright?" Hinata asked, supporting her fellow kunoichi as she staggered forward to receive her next mission. "Sakura-chan?" The pinkette couldn't answer her now; she was too busy hacking out blood. Tsunade rose from her chair in concern and came to kneel by her student, who had ceased coughing, only to vomit a fountain of blood. _

_ "Sakura-chan!" Ino, who had also been in the room stood up and rushed by her friend, trying to support her so she wouldn't topple over. No success. Sakura blinked once, then twice, images of Hinata, Tsunade, then Ino becoming blurry, then slowly fading …_

Sasuke walked down the village roads, ignoring the ogling fan girls. Apparently, the fact that he was a traitor had no affect on their obsession with him. He unconsciously picked at the chakra restraining bracelet he wore, irritated by its very creation. Kakashi eyed him speculatively, making sure he wasn't trying to destroy the restraint Tsunade had placed on the Uchiha.

"Oy, teme, quit trying to take that thing off!" Naruto yelled, walking faster to keep up with Sasuke's pace. The teme snorted and began to walk to faster. "You asshole, you're just going to end up paralyzed then! Don't take my advice, why don'tcha! Go ahead, hurt yourself just 'cause you're a stupid ass bastard."

"Shut up," Sasuke snarled, finally tired of hearing the irritating blonde's voice. Naruto opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water, then finally made up his mind about being quiet. Yet he still mumbled incoherent ramblings under his breath.

After a few minutes of walking down the road to Ichiraku, Kakashi sensed that Naruto was about to snap. He knew exactly why, too.

"Why did you come back?!" Naruto shouted loudly, whirling around to face Sasuke. The Uchiha stopped in his tracks and turned to glare at the blonde. "I mean, I'm doing okay, even though you tried to freakin' **kill** me! And I have my lovely Hinata by my side! But, Sakura? No, Sakura doesn't have anybody to comfort her and she was getting along perfectly fine since you left, but, **noooo**, you just **had** to come back and break her heart all over again! You know, a few nights after you left, she was upstairs in her room crying over a torn picture of all of us in Team 7! Are you so intent on torturing, huh, teme? So, why the hell did you come back?!" Kakashi swore he saw a flicker of pain flash through his former student's face, but then saw the Uchiha's face regain its normal, unfeeling composure.

Apparently, the dobe didn't care in the slightest that he was attracting the attention of all people walking past. Some stopped and stared, others stared and moved on, and others ignored the dobe completely. Sasuke did have a brief fleeting thought of Sakura and the last time he had seen her. That night was one of the hardest choices of his life, but in the end, he didn't want to destroy Sakura's life by taking her along with him. But the fact that she loved her almost changed his mind. Almost … almost…

Hinata suddenly came running up to the trio, panting. Naruto glanced at her worriedly and hugged her, asking her what was wrong.

"Lady Tsunade requests an audience with you," she sighed, leaning against Naruto. "It's about … Sakura." Naruto and Kakashi glanced at each other worriedly, while Sasuke did his best to mask his emotions. The indifferent expression won, as it always did.

Tsunade glanced around the room at the ninjas she had summoned: Ino, Hinata, Shikamaru, Chouji, Neji, TenTen, Rock Lee, Kiba, Shino, Naruto, Sai, Sasuke and Kakashi. Most of them were clueless (Chouji, TenTen, Rock Lee, Kiba), others bored (Shikamaru, Neji, Shino, Kakashi, Sai), and Ino and Hinata were worried, knowing what had happened to Sakura already. She could sense a strange tension between Naruto and Sasuke, but brushed it off due to the account Sasuke had returned a few weeks ago.

The 5th hokage cleared her throat to catch the group's attention. "What I am about to tell you is classified information. I don't want any of you to go blabbing it around town, 'kay?" After a few mumbles and dirty looks shot at Ino and Naruto, the ninjas quieted down and listened.

"Sakura is sick. Gravely sick. No, deathly sick. She contracted a terrible disease while on a mission. Our medics mistook it for the common cold, but the combination of the virus cells and chakra has actually worsened her case. Unfortunately, at the time, we do not have a cure for this new disease and Sakura has agreed to live out the rest of her months peacefully. She, by her own choice, will not be cured."

The last sentence filled the air with pregnant meaning. Ino and Hinata looked at each other mournfully. Sai actually looked worried, worried for his friend, silently wondering why she did not want to be cured. Rock Lee was screaming that his flower was going to die and Tsunade had Neji and TenTen lead escort him out of the room. Naruto stared down at his hands in silence, his face covered. Kakashi could tell he was crying for he witnessed tears streaming down the blonde boy's cheeks.

Sasuke was in shock. He had been gone for a while, no scratch that, a few years, and this is what happened? He had planned it all out, too. After training under Orochimaru, he would kill his mentor, and then hunt down his clan's murderer. Once that was done, he would return to Konoha, return to Sakura, still expecting her to love him. The one thing he had never bargained for was the sickness. The damn sickness just had to happen. It screwed with his mind and his plan. That plan … he also planned to marry Sakura.

"Teme, did you hear?" Naruto called through the doors of the Uchiha manor. "Sakura's in better condition! We can visit her now! Hinata and I – " Uzumaki wasn't able to finish his sentence because Sasuke had rushed through the doors of his house, hastily pulling on a scarf in the cold weather. He was walking fast; he needed to see her, at least tell her how he felt about her before she … he couldn't bring himself to say it … Naruto caught up with Sasuke as they rushed towards the hospital.

"Hinata and I visited her earlier. Apparently, she's lost her sight because of the stupid disease and she's suffering mild hallucinations because of the virus affecting her brain or something or other. Even though it sounds mean, Sakura's pretty funny in her hallucinated state. I couldn't help but laugh, but of course, Hinata got pretty mad at me after that …" Naruto trailed off, scratching the back of his head embarrassingly.

"Hn …" Sasuke grunted, the only sound he could make in the situation. He thought carefully about his words, then revealed them to Naruto. "How much longer?"

"What?"

"You heard me. Don't make me repeat myself."

"Oh …" Naruto's face turned downcast at the thought of his team mate's inevitable death. "Umm… I know you don't want to hear this, teme –"

"Answer the freakin' question."

"Sasuke, this could be hard for you…."

"Damn it, answer the freakin question, Naruto!"

"A few weeks."

Sasuke's heart fell at his friend's response. To think that the pink kunoichi only had 3 months to live … to be frank, it scared him. He didn't have enough time … but that was his fault in the first place.

Sai had spent his visit with Sakura silently, sketching out pictures of cherry blossom trees and foxes, his way of picturing his team mates. He had confessed to Sakura once that he had a problem drawing portraits of people because of his lack of human interface. Sakura had been so kind and compassionate to him, comforting him when needed, yelling at him if he did something stupid, and saving him frequently. As he left the hospital room, he felt immense regret in not being able to do the same for her as she had for him.

Sasuke nodded at Sai as he exited her hospital room, then stepped inside to view Sakura for the first time in years.

She looked … terrible, for lack of a better word. Sasuke sunk into the seat beside her bed and began to observe her more carefully. Her skin was pulled tight across her face, revealing her cheekbones; it had taken on a gray-ish pallor, making her seem more sickly than she was. Her eyes were the emerald green that they had always been, but the shine was dulled, probably because her loss of sight, Sasuke reckoned. Her bubble gum pink hair was damp, sticking to her scalp and hanging in limps across the pillow. A light sheen of sweat covered her features.

"Hey, let me tell you a story," she said suddenly, causing Sasuke to jump slightly in his seat. Was she talking to him? Did she even know who he was? "Yes, you, let me tell you a story." Sasuke relaxed in his seat momentarily, but stiffened at the next sentence.

"It's a story about a ninja group called Team 7. There was Kakashi Hatake, Naruto Uzumaki, me, and a very anti-social boy named Sasuke Uchiha. He's the main point of the story, so try to picture this. He's an Uchiha, and the Uchiha clan was wiped out by Itachi Uchiha, who is Sasuke's older brother. So while the younger brother trained with us, his goals were clear: kill Itachi, kill Itachi. He became power hungry … so power hungry that he decided to seek the help of a missing-nin, Orochimaru. "

Sasuke's stomach twisted; his life story sounded so terrible in Sakura's point of view. But little did he know, it was just the beginning.

"He left. You know what I did? I was so stupid as to offer to come with him," she said sadly, her eyes blank as they stared up at the ceiling. _'Stupid?'_ Sasuke thought. _'You thought your offer was stupid?'_

"Sasuke Uchiha knocked me out and left me on a bench that night. I told him …" she sucked in a deep breath, as if trying to send the air down to her toes. "I told him that I loved him." She tried to smack herself in the forehead, but decided not to, considering the state she was in. "I was a delusional pubescent fan girl, wanting to help him. You know why I wanted to help him? You know why I loved him despite his looks?" Sasuke held his breath for an answer.

"I saw good in him … but I suppose I was wrong … I don't even know where he is nowadays." Sasuke wanted to grip her shoulders and tell her that it was Sasuke Uchiha, but of course, she couldn't see for proof. "I tried so hard to get over him … I knew that he wasn't going to come back but every night for almost two months, I would go back to that bench and sit on it, as if waiting for him." She attempted to snort. "As if he was going to come back! As if … And if he did, he probably wouldn't pay me any mind either. He'd call me annoying and ignore me, like he always did." Sasuke winced. He tried not to pay attention to the fact she was using the past tense. _Past tense … Past tense… _

"I don't want to think what Sound turned him into … Orochimaru and his cronies were blood-thirsty sadists. In fact, I don't even know if he's alive right now." The pinkette sighed and closed her eyes. Sasuke again felt the impulse to shout at her, shout that he was alive and alright, shout that he loved her … but he couldn't bring himself to do that. "Plus, he's got a bitch." She chuckled darkly, then began hacking, a moist cough that constricted her air pipe. Sasuke wordlessly handed her a cup of glass that had been resting on her bedside table. She felt for it and brought it to her mouth, swallowing carefully. Sakura breathed heavily for a few minutes, remaining silent. During that time, Sasuke tried to interpret her last sentence. _'Bitch?' _he thought. _'Does she mean Karin? Karin's not my bitch … she is annoying though.'_

"Naruto got over the pain of Sasuke's desertion faster than I did. Hinata was there for him. It was so nice to see him fall in love, witness his first kiss. Hinata turned red and almost fainted …" Sakura sighed, recalling better times. "I got over him slowly, gradually, until my shishou Tsunade decided unconsciously to test my control… and send me on a mission.

"I didn't love him then. I cared for him, though. I thought of him and Naruto as my brothers. Of course I wanted him back! What was he doing, throwing his life away, leaving his home and friends all to kill one person - ?" Sasuke seethed silently, questioning her common sense. Of course he had to take revenge! Of course he had to kill Itachi… but what he hadn't bargained on was what he was going to do after he killed his brother. He tried to view it from Sakura's perspective. _"…throwing his life away, leaving his home and friends all to kill one person…" _His past motives suddenly seemed stupid and naïve.

Then realization washed over him. Her first sentence. What had she said? _"I didn't love him then…"_ And here he was, reassured that even after all those years, she would still love him, still be infatuated with him like nothing had ever changed. He mentally slapped himself for thinking that. She had changed in ways he never would have imagined. Sakura didn't stand on the sidelines anymore; she participated in fights and had scars to prove it. She saved lives and pummeled people with her insane amounts of chakra. She changed. Then again, so did he.

"I saw him again with his new team. He was so different… He was still emotionally devoid, but anger and hate fueled the sparks in his eyes. His demeanor had never really changed; he was still arrogant and prideful, but more hateful somehow. More ruthless… more merciless. He almost killed Naruto without a second thought. I'm sure Naruto could've killed him in an instant; after all, he'd been training long for those chance encounters with Sasuke. After all, hatred doesn't get one anywhere… but still… Naruto, his almost brother who had cared for him all those years… Almost killed him… and I hated him for it." Sasuke tensed, sensing an outburst.

"I couldn't believe it! Why… why would he do that? Naruto mourned over him all those years and for what? For him to be killed? Murdered without a thought? What right did Sasuke have to do that? What right …" She promptly began to cry. Her brow furrowed as she tightly gripped the sheets of her bed. Tears spilled from her eyes and down her moist cheeks. Without a thought, Sasuke placed a hand on her forehead and stroked the lines on her forehead, as if he could smooth them out. And they did. Sakura took ragged breaths as she slowly and surely began to calm down.

Sasuke's feelings almost ran rampant, but he was able to keep them under control. That was true: he had almost killed Naruto… he couldn't even explain why, couldn't even explain himself to Sakura about his actions… and he felt ashamed.

"I suppose… that after seeing him all those years, the buried feelings I had for him welled back up again. I wanted him back. I wanted to run to him and hug him, rejoicing at the fact that he was still alive… even though I knew he wouldn't respond anyway. Inside, I was still that 13 year old pubescent girl that was still hopelessly in love with him. I didn't care." She smiled at the thought. He weakly smiled back, despite her lack of sight. The thought hit the Uchiha like a two ton train.

"Sakura," he said softly. "It's me, Sasuke. Sasuke Uchiha?" He watched her facial muscles tense as she tried to comprehend what he was saying. "Remember?" Sakura remained silent for minutes, practically torturing Sasuke with the agonizing silence.

"No," she whispered finally, her eyes closing tight. "No… Sasuke's gone. He-He's off with Orochimaru. He wouldn't come back. He wouldn't even be in this room…" Sasuke's breathing hitched. He tried again.

"Sakura. Sakura, it's me. Please… just believe me. It's Sasuke." The dam broke and tears welled up in the kunoichi's eyes. She couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe him. No… it wasn't him. This was just Naruto playing a trick on her. No, Naruto nor any of her friends would be that cruel. So that meant… that it had to be him. It just had to. Unless her mind was playing tricks against her. Tsunade said that she was hallucinating from time to time, so obviously she wasn't coherent and maybe a little insane. Subliminal wish fulfillment. That's what it was.

"No. I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming," Sakura repeated over and over, like a mantra to keep her from falling off the edge. Sasuke began to panic as the machine that was monitoring her heart gave a series of rapid beeps.

"Sakura," he said, his voice hurried and quiet. "Sakura. Look." He pressed some of his chakra into her, allowing her to see in her mind all that had unfolded. Him sitting beside her bead, head bowed as if in prayer. Her smiling as she thought of better times, while his face contorted slightly. His hand on her forehead, his soothing hand, calming her as she cried. It was him. Sasuke. Nurses began to rush into the room, pushing Sasuke out of the way. Time stopped for him. He was escorted out of the room by Shizune, but only after he heard Sakura whisper his name and smile.

"Sasuke… I… love… "

He couldn't bring himself to attend the funeral. He didn't want to break down in front of the citizens of Konoha. In front of all those people. He had never given them any illusion that he had ever had feelings for the rosette kunoichi. Instead, he visited her grave the day he had left Konoha. Ironically, the anniversary of the day she had confessed her feelings for him had been a few days before her death. Tsunade had chosen her student's funeral plot carefully. It was in proximity to multiple cherry blossom trees. Sasuke couldn't bring himself to laugh that fact or even find vague amusement.

He stood over her grave, replaying his last moments with her over and over. The sky was painted gray; a blanket of rain clouds covered the entire town. In his black suit, he bowed his head over her grave, allowing himself to be soaked by the downpour. Raindrops – or were they tears? he couldn't tell – fell onto Sakura Haruno's grave.

"I love you, Sakura Haruno. Years back, when you told me you loved me, I had to bite back my tongue to keep myself from responding. I shouldn't have. Mistake number one. Then I came back… came back too late. I seem to have the worst timing for everything." He chuckled darkly. "Mistake number two. But you know what the biggest mistake was?

"Leaving. You were right. You were always right. I … I just didn't want to accept it. Leaving everything behind – especially you – was the most stupid thing I've done in my entire life. … Actually, I'm mistaken … again." Sasuke pulled something from his pocket. It was a small box.

"I was going to propose to you." He opened the small box and stroked the ring: it was beautiful, a pink diamond, the color of her hair. The color of her name. He closed the box and set it by her tombstone, performing a chakra sealing ritual that bound the box to the grave. No one could take it now.

"Not being able to… my biggest mistake." Sasuke turned around hesitantly, head bowed, and walked off. Behind him, the petals from the sakura trees began to fall.


End file.
